I see you.
I know that you work your butt off trying to look nice, keep your space organized, and feel good about your life. I also know that sometimes you feel like you're falling short and it is hard to avoid judgements creeping in about your body, your home, your situation, or your struggles.
I want you to know that these are completely normal thoughts. Everyone experiences envy, jealousy, longing, and desire for other's experiences from time to time. I also want you to know that instead of being frustrated with yourself for not being exactly where you want to be, you have another option:
You can offer yourself compassion.
Here's the thing: Judging and comparing never give us energy or peace- they only take it. Meaning that when we are down, discouraged, or feeling "less than", judging and comparing will never make us feel better or more whole. Ever.
Do you know what will though? Love and kindness.
Example:
Imagine you're feeling really down and unhappy with your current situation, and a friend approaches you. They tell you to "suck it up" and remind you how hard they've worked to turn their life around, saying "if you really tried for once, you could be like me" and then walked away.
HOW CRAPPY WOULD THAT FEEL?!
Alternatively, when you're feeling really down and unhappy, a friend could approach you, wrap you in a warm hug, and say "I'm so sorry that you're feeling far from where you want to be, but I love you just how you are and I support you doing whatever you need to do next".
SO much better, right?!
Hopefully your supports are much more like the 2nd example than the 1st, but the reason I gave those examples is because common statements we say to ourselves when we are struggling with judgement and comparisons, are:
"Suck it up"
"Put in some effort, for once"
"Try harder"
"You always give up before you see results"
"You should just accept that this is how things are"
And, I have a strong feeling that you would feel much more peaceful and energized by statements like:
"I believe in you"
"It's not your fault that things have been so hard lately"
"Keep going, I've got your back"
"I see you showing up every day"
"I'm proud of you"
"You'll get there"
It absolutely takes effort to change the way we speak to ourselves and you are worth it! While you may always experience some envy when you see someone's stunning vacation photos, remember that you get to choose what kind of dialogue you allow in your head.
Warmly, Meredith Waller MSW, LCSW Based in Boulder, CO and offering online counseling throughout Colorado -Certified Shame-Informed Treatment Specialist -Certified Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional